For the first time in a long
time, I am speechless. I cannot figure out the right words to say, the perfect
way of saying it. Without being there, I don’t know if words are enough…
The last couple days have been the most life changing of my life. It started
like every other Monday, sitting down for dinner and a Bible study after.
Driver lead us, but just stopped and told us about being baptized in the Holy
Spirit. I had never heard of such a thing, and I was really nervous. It all
seemed so foreign to me and I didn’t want to do it. Driver went next door and
got Kayla (who will be my leader in Swaziland) and Connie (a FYM from last
year) and had them pray over us. Right then, I knew that I wanted more of the
Holy Spirit…I didn’t know what it looked like but I wanted it. God was good
and the Holy Spirit was in the room. Some laughed, some cried, some had peace
for the very first time. As for me, I laughed for an hour. I had nothing to
fear, no worries about my future because the Lord had taken that away.
As if that wasn’t enough, on Wednesday we went to Unicoi
State Park for the night because the World Racers were staying there for part
of their training. I really didn’t want to go but Driver made me go. When we
got there, they were doing an exercise where they said what was holding them
back, and then threw it into the fire pit. Even sitting here in my bedroom, I
can still feel what I felt around that fire pit. The Lord was there! For the
very first time, I actually felt God, His presence was thick and it was
absolutely amazing. It was then that Driver had us get together and one by one
we went in the middle and did they same thing. We exclaimed what was holding us
back and everyone was praying for it. The words that came out of my mouth while
I was praying over
people were not mine, but were God’s! He held us in His arms
and let us know that there was no shame, no pride, and no fear. I have never
felt anything like that before in my life and it makes me cry when I think
about it now. I stayed up almost all night just processing what had just
happened. In front of tons of people, my hands were up in the air, I was
praising Jesus as loud as I could (that is just not me!) God used me even
though I have all of my own junk. My Savior, the Lord of the entire universe,
used ME! I don’t know how to not get emotional over something like that.
The next day, I sat with Driver and talked to him about
what happened. He told me that the Holy Spirit is not only with me anymore; the
Holy Spirit is in me. I know it is true, because I feel different. Not just a
“roller coaster” feeling. This time it is real…I don’t know how to
go back to who I was. To be honest though, I was a little angry. My whole life
growing up, I was never told about this “second” Holy Spirit. It’s
like we skipped over Romans 6-8 in church. Driver put his hand on my shoulder
and gave me a smile; “The Lord knew you weren’t ready for this until
now.”
I know this doesn’t do justice to what really happened
but it’s the best I could do. The Lord has revealed Himself to me in the most
real way. I pray that everyone can feel the way that I feel now, that they can
be without fear and know that the Lord just wants a real and personal
relationship. Thank you for all of your prayers.
